Sleeeeeeeeep

 I always find myself pondering about the mechanics of sleep and why it is necessary. Sleep is so time consuming. Yeah, of course we as human beings need it. But sometimes I just wonder how life would be if we didn't need sleep. If our bodies were never ending clocks that didn't send your brain a signal saying, BED TIME or WAKE UP! Hell, if there was no such thing as the word sleep. It was blasphemy. It was false teaching. 

BUT lets be honest, that will NEVER happen! So.... here I am, trying to find something to say about sleep. Pathetic, worthless sleep that I wish  I could do without sometimes, so that I could get more done in my life. Who am I kidding, sleep is my life. Sleep is what keeps me going everyday. Sleep is the one thing that is always on my mind whenever I have free time. Whenever I can squeeze in a 20 minute nap, I do. But it still isn't enough. I'm as tired as ever. 

Falling asleep in my classes was a distant never-to-come-true nightmare when I was younger. Now, it's what I look forward to. I'm sorry to all of the teachers that look down on me for sleeping. But where my mind goes when I sleep, is my business and I cherish every minute of it.   

To be, or not to be

There are a lot of things I could say about courage. But what is better than the beloved, Mark Twain. Take it from someone who knows a bit about how to be, or not to be. Or WHO to be, or not to be. Your choice. 

If I knew, I'd tell you.

If I knew what my purpose was in life, or what my purpose was after life, I would tell you. I would tell you everything you need to know and each step you need to take to become perfect. Perfection. Maybe that is the real task (or the real question?). I should've named this post, "What is it to be perfect."

He told us to go out and find our own pebble. To write about one tiny, little pebble. Well, what if I can't choose just one? There are thousands of them before me just patiently waiting to be chosen. Like that feeling you get when you're given three options to pick from in a certain amount of time. I hate that feeling. 

Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe I can't pick a certain pebble and rant on and on about it because I feel bad. 

For ALL the other pebbles I didn't pick.

I want to talk about every single pebble. Every single struggle, trial, hardship in my life. Every single moment i've looked back on and regretted. Like that one... oh and that one. 

I'm trying my best here. Isn't that all that matters? I'm not perfect and none of you are. Yes that is a little harsh I am aware. But who else is going to say it? You know what, just forget it. Forget everything I have said in this pathetic post. Yes, I wish I knew more about life and death.

But why are you asking me?? If I knew, I would tell you. So, try asking God or something.         

just livin lyyfe one day at a time

Realtors & Refridgerators

Now we all know that being afraid of realtors, heaters, and of refrigerators falling and crushing you flat couldn't be more irrational and pathetically, kind of creepy. At least I sure hope that you think it is rather irrational. If not, I suggest you stop reading now. Have you ever thought of some of your fears and maybe discovered that they too are a bit irrational?
"But noooo being afraid of door mats is definitely NOT an irrational fear! I have perfect reason to be afraid of them!" - May I remind you, that in everyone else's eyes, a door mat? Seriously? Kind of odd. But hey, I'm not judging! I'm absolutely terrified of potato bags and freckles. Yeeeaaa.. Pretty bad.
  
 I think that we all know someone that walks around with the good ole' I'm-afraid-of-absolutely-nothing phrase stamped across their forehead. Just knowing how much of a distraught lie that is, is completely horrifying. Everyone has fears and  I mean EVERYONE. Einstein had fears, Superman has fears, and I'd bet even God has fears. Defining the term "fear" is like describing how salt tastes. Salty... umm, salty... scary... freaky... the variety is pretty scarce.

I know I'm not perfect and neither are any of you out there. I have just as many fears as the next guy. I'm afraid of sliding glass doors and those old, creepy, freakishly noisy, plastic blinds that we all had in our rooms ten years ago. I'm afraid of failure. I'm afraid of suddenly losing the ability to blink. Every time I come across a spider, I get instant ominous rumblings of discontent and fear. And want to know something that terrifies me the most? Rejection. I'm afraid one day I'll wake up and not have one success throughout the day. That I will be the one with FAILURE written across my forehead and that everyone will laugh at me. 

That, is what keeps me going. The fear of rejection and lack of perfection. That burning motivation deep inside me that hungers for bigger and better things is what I hold on to. I want attention and I crave affection, so why would I let some old fear of blinds hold me back? It's simple. Because I won't.